i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
