Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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