it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
