thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
