Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
