She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
