I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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