dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
