I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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