I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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