"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
