too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
