just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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