Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
