Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
