He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
