Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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