That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
