She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
