i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
