Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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