No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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