It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
