I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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