Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
