All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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