Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
