you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
