I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
