im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
