Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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