Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
