we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
