sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
