were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
