I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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