people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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