Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
