Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
