You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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