You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
