I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
