we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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