I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
