They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
