Heybabeimwearingurpanties
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
