I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
my liver is dry heaving
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
