sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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