so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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