i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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